Oscar Remembered

Some of you remember the puppets we made about this time last year. Well, here was mine. Oscar Wilde realized via sock media was eaten about a day after construction ended. No other puppet was even looked at. He was eaten with the help of a little pug named Ringo.

Hip or Dangerous?

Neither! Unless we used to date. ZING! Oh boy oh boy oh boy I need to get out of the house.

Trader No's

The fancy bread

FAIL

Grocery bag dog fail.

Its Not Easy Being Green

Gone for 4 hours. Not too long in doggie years. This was the bandanna I got the little guy for New Years (he likes to look fancy). It was also around his neck before I left. No more.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Coprophagia literally means eating poop. Wait, wait, wait, wait! Before you say I've lost my mind: 1. You can't lose something you never had and 2. this is a blunt reality that we all need to face. Dogs eat cat poop. I don't know why and not many do. Little research has been done on this gruesome phenomenon. I can't believe there's no funding out there. Some dogs even eat... dare I say it?... they eat tampons. EWWWWW! Yes ewwwwwwww. Thus the title of this post. Its all like a dog version of Salò, maybe less disturbing. But did you know that dogs aren't the only animals that eat poop? Rodents, gorillas, various insects and Germans digest poop on a regular basis.

Herbivores such as rabbits and rodents do it cause their plant-only diet is hard to digest. Therefore they make two passes to absorb as much nutrition as possible. Kind of like chewing cud, but horrific.

Some Vets believe that Canids (coyotes, foxes and wolves included) do it because "it" contains necessary vitamins produced by intestinal bacteria thats otherwise inaccessible. So they eat poop. Dogs and some other animals also get protein this way. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because its high in protein and because they hate us so very much.

Now Weegee aint no fiend! Don't get me wrong, he grazes once in a while and that's what terrible even inspired this all. But believe me, I've known men who were much worse.*




*(I'd just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to put a link in that last sentence, but supposedly "civility" is necessary.)

Rose Colored

Nothing today that I've noticed. But today was asked to retroactively mention the $165 dollar Ray Ban sunglasses that were eaten this past fall. That did not belong to me. That were a gift. That said person had for only a week. I will say though, in me and Weegee's defense, that aforementioned glasses were absentmindedly left in quite ripe dog eating range. Not so fair and square however. Sorry again and I love you!

Destruct-O-Vision

This one is actually kind of funny. Upon returning home from dinner we ask each other, "My word. I do not recall leaving the television on. Do you?" "Why no my dear, I do not. How very peculiar." "Peculiar indeed!" (Yes we speak exactly this way.) Little did we know that the boob tube was on because Weegee ate the power button. Awesome. At least the channel thingy works.

Item #2 for yesterday: dog bed. Why? Do you not enjoy soft things? Or places to sleep?
Where did we go wrong? What is wrong with you?

Repaired with the most excellent skill. Good thing I'm not one to

throw away severed pant legs.

Dog Overdose Revisited/Fuck the ASPCA

The ASPCA and my Vet are full of capitalist shit. Yes. Capitalist shit. I turn my back for a second, random emergency arises (with something placed out of dog reach, mind you) and no one would talk to me until I gave them lots of money. Now this is my first time without health insurance or a job. These days are not economically "normal" for anyone (except my Vet) and I've been running on about twenty five dollars a week. Question posed to the fine folks at the ASPCA and their Animal Poison Control Center, what are we poor folks supposed to do? Apparently we don't deserve help and our pets can fuck off. (Tantalizing information- Weegee was adopted from the ASPCA in the first place, but don't deserve no help.) Later in the evening joked to a friend that if Weegee had indeed died, I'd have had a great lawsuit. Or at least a scathing and scandalous tabloid letter for the NY Post.

BUT OH, OH, OH! My Vet got snappy when I told her about my finances. She said I was a bad pet owner cause I lacked dog health insurance. Dog health insurance. Promptly gave her some proletariat what for and made her sound guilty. Besides, without my own health insurance, the fucking dog ate about a gold brick's worth of pills in the first place! Everything is OK now. I Googled how to induce dog vomiting and he's been happy ever since. Thanks Internet! Even I'm a doctor these days.

In light of this episode however, can we hurry it up Barack? I can't thrive off hope alone and the dog might very well eat change.

Back Taxes

Suddenly recalled that Weegee ate my W2 last year. Followed it up with the energy bill in that same week.

Update for Wen.

Just came home from the grocery store. Weegee ate:

1. unopened bag of 100 coffee filters
2. chopsticks
3. a bottle of lithium.

its off to get the little guys stomache pumped now <3 <3 <3

No. It was not the WHOLE bottle. Just a few maybe? Oh god.

Poor Little Weegee

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Weegee. Many of you already know and love him. Or at least you know him. Many of you have had your shit eaten by him. He's not a bad dog. Just eats a lot of shit all the time. So much shit that I've decided to give this greyhound/Labrador/antelope/god knows what kind of mutt his own website about his favorite pasttime- bringing about the total destruction of valued material possessions. The sudden inspiration? Well its about 22 degrees outside today in New York City and the bastard ate my last pair of gloves. So fuck him.

What did he eat this week?
1. my goddamn gloves
2. a pile of plastic bags
3. the interior of my friend's car (left alone for 10 minutes). Sorry Tara.
4. The interior of my friend's door. Again, sorry Tara.
5. a doorknob. Sorry Tara. Jesus.
6. A plate of biscuits I baked.
7. tried to, but luckily, did not eat the mouse my cat caught and killed.

If you have had anything eaten by my dog, please feel free to comment. But I no longer take responsibility for said items. Please just come over and speak to him yourself. Also, I'll try and compile the vast list of amazing things he's eaten in the past. Highlights include:

1. A box cutter
2. Two packs of AAA batteries
3. a month of birth control pills
4. my anti-anxiety medication
5. four sticks of butter in 20 minutes

Thanks Ben D and Ringo Have a Banana for the above photos.